Refreshing Relationships by Joe Sexton

Joe Sexton, a graduate of all of the Global Courses, has written an article to express what he experienced by taking the Refreshing Relationship Course. He is willing to share this article with us. Thank you Joe.

Whether you are just starting out on a relationship or you have been with your partner for years, The Refreshing Relationships course will give you a deeper understanding of your partner and make your relationship stronger. It is an exploration into new things, and into seeing old things in a new light. The muscle we will exercise is communication, either strengthening it, establishing it, or re-establishing it.

We start the weekend with an exploration into the relationship as it is or what it has become. What do we expect from our partner? What do we blame them for? What do we do to make each other unhappy? But the purpose of this isn't to make a laundry list of our partner's faults. We share our lists, and discover that our partner has listed things we never knew about or didn't think were problems. From there we decide to paraphrase the Freedom Paragraph from Loving Yourself and Other, which problems we now recognize and correct and which we choose not to change.

We work during the weekend on seeing ourselves through our partner's eyes. What do they see in us that we do not see in ourselves? This is a positive inquiry, looking not at problems but at strengths. It is an exploration of the question, "Why do you love me?" We usually think we know the answer, but sometimes our partner sees strengths in us that we don't see in ourselves. We do things that we think are trivial that give great happiness to our partner. The things we think are of great importance sometimes aren't. Either way, we haven't communicated this to our partner before today.

Another part of the weekend explores the barriers we erect that block communication. Why don't we share some things with our partner? Are we afraid that our partner will be angry? Insulted? Disgusted? We learn that it is OK to ask for what we want from our partner.

The last part of the weekend is an exercise in appreciation. Do we show our partner that we appreciate all of the positive things they do? Are we showing that appreciation in a way our partner really loves, or just in the way that we think they will love? Using all of the new information we have learned over the weekend, we practice appreciating each other by providing our partner with an experience they will truly enjoy.

After the weekend I found that I saw my partner in new ways. I remembered the things that attracted me to her all those years ago and discovered new things I didn't know were there. I learned some things we could do differently to strength our bond even further. I learned ways to show my love that truly mattered to her. And she learned the same things about me. I wish I'd had the benefit of this class when we were first starting out in our relationship, and every couple should take the course every few years to keep their relationship strong.